It
was a moonless night, the night I was born. My mother told me.
Black-outs
and sirens of war shone instead on the night I was born.
I
imagined the dark night of my birth like Alfred Hitchcock
must’ve
imagined Vertigo and Ravens. Dramatic. Moody. Extra-ordinary.
Your
smile, my mother told me, never left you. You’d ask for things and we’d give
you.
You
didn’t miss me when I was gone. She told me how I hadn’t looked up even once.
Sitting under our mulberry on Papaji’s munjhi*, happy --- so happy, I wondered
whose child?
Recalled
my mother the memory of the day she came home from the hospital--
Carrying
my new born-sister. It was my first birthday. I was such a happy baby.
Content.
Cuddly. Chubby. Apple red cheeks, my mother told me.
So
many gifts and more were to come. First my sister, then a baby brother even.
Our
trio. “You’re not a happy family.” A precocious girl visitor once blurted out.
“Why
did you say that?” her mother, our mother’s childhood friend asked, worried.
“Because
they’re three—not like the T.V. ad—"We two-our two: A happy family.”
The
girl jingled aloud the campaign slogan of India’s Family Planning—innocently.
We
shouldn’t have laughed then. Should’ve seen the ravens’ dark—the dizziness yet
to come.
Black-outs.
Curtains drawn on good sense. Throwing precaution to the winds--of change.
Not
to tempt fate. Not to laugh out too loudly or even softly at innocent
utterances.
Loss.
Loss. Loss.
Every
blessing comes with its counter-balance.
Call
it a curse. A CURSE-- a curse, if you will.
Life’s
a list of opposites strung as beads—nature’s aesthetics.
Every
life must be counterbalanced with death.
Brother.
Mother. Home.
Full
moons and No moons. Gibbous. Crescents. Grow. Fade. Glow.
Life’s
hide and seek. Happy. Sad. Extra- ordinary is frowned upon by gods and
goddesses.
What are Blessings without curses? Forbidden fruit. Only verses—
Songs
of Praise (question mark). Mortal sins. Divine Justice.
Full
STOP!
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Also, as the poems I'll be sharing this month are first drafts, I'll be removing them from my site after a couple of days.